One thing I did quite recently is delete all my contacts off my phonebook, including family members, CAMHS, helplines etc… As far as I was concerned I was fed up talking to friends and waiting for replies… They never got in touch with me… Ever! Every time I text im going to look weak and needy so I decided that without all those numbers they’d have to text me first! As for helplines, well I didn’t need help, I am fine – it was the world that was stressing me out!
Another thing I vowed to do was stay away from Facebook, seeing as I haven’t been using it much it has been fine! twitter is one place where I feel like I’ve been spending my life, although it means im still connected, my anonymity helps me feel in control, they can’t care when they don’t even know my name… That’s kinda the basis under which twitter works and as a result a great outlet for how I feel.
I have realised however I am drawing close to certain users and have decided that I need to severely minimise twitter usage! When considering the issue of relationships and people, I am only just starting to realise what my mum kept telling me – you can’t trust a single person in this world, I tried to, but hey she was so damn right! Maybe a little too right… I never felt like I could trust family enough to tell them things, so by now I ditch all persons who are potential people of trust. Mind you, some people think that telling others about my ‘depression’ is something I do once I’ve gained trust… But you know what, I don’t think I could give a donkeys arse!
They can feel sorry for me, okay whatever, hate me, yeah whatever, quite frankly I don’t care.
I guess you could be thinking that well, if I can tell anyone why not my relatives. Well, mocking, cursing me is one thing, but doing it to my family and in particular ny parents is another. I know that you’ll get comments like bad parenting thrown around when that is far from the truth. No parent is perfect because we are all human, but each parent cares – that’s the most important thing ever.
I’ve gone off on a tangent…I think – I can’t actually remember what I started writing about…
